Being Scottish

Being Scottish is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or, a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most Scottish thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign.

Only in Scotland can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Scotland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Sotland do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Scotland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Scotland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Scotland are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink...

NOT TO MENTION..

3 Scots die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Scots were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Scots are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.

31 Scots have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the
fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Scots have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
decorations were chocolate.

Scottish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas
cracker-pulling accidents.

18 Scots had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Scots were admitted to A&E in the last two years after
trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Scots were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control
Scalextric cars.

and finally...

In 2000 eight Scots were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls
incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

SCOTLAND - Love it, or Leave it!